Geez... I dont even listen to myself

I guess I don't even take instruction from myself, in my last post (which surprised me was written this year) I said I would spend more time blogging for catharsis and to keep a track of my thoughts and feelings.  Well considering that was February and this is now the tail end of September I did a horrible job of doing that! However, funny enough reading my old blogs and starting this one puts me back in the exact same frame of mind I was in when I wrote the post in February.  I enjoyed reading thoughts and feelings from the past and seeing how those same thoughts and feelings have evolved and changed.  Once again I have seen how I have changed and even changed back a little, am a little more able to see what changes have stuck and which ones haven't. It is a good way to hold myself accountable to the things I want to change.  Hopefully I am able to keep this up, hopefully I am able to at least make this a weekly thing!

Currently I am trying to balance a conflicting set of thoughts that I am having a hard time bringing together.  I very much feel that the world, us, me need to start attempting to change the way this world operates and engage in loving and caring about one another more, however, I am struggling with what seems to me the overuse of the term "bullying".  It seems at this particular point in our history (written and still to be) as a society we have become hyper sensitive and hyper insecure.  Any type of criticism or critique is called bullying and the offender should be ostracized from society as a bully.  I don't agree with this. I am sorry critics are needed, they are the ones that keep us from doing stupid things.  Just because someone disagrees with what you think or what you are doing, that does not make them a bully.  Sometimes what you are doing is stupid, and that needs to be pointed out, to keep others from making the same stupid mistakes. Granted you have the right to make a stupid decision, but after making that stupid decision you must also deal with the consequences that come with it. I do not think it is fair that one should be sheltered from the fall out of a dumb decision.  The results of a poor decision are not bullying! They are simply the consequence of the dumb choice you made.  I do agree, however, ridiculing a person for the dumb decision can cross the line at a point, but honestly which one of us hasn't made a choice that deserved a little bit of ridicule from those around us?
Now, the question becomes how do I balance this thought with my desire to love the world and find means to embrace each other in more of a loving way?  I don't think I really know, because I feel strongly about both thoughts and if I feel so strongly about both how do I pick one? Are these two thoughts and feelings opposing of each other? I am not sure! I really don't know. On some levels they really do seem like very conflicting and opposing ways of thinking, on the other hand I tend not to be a conflicted person or a fence sitter.
My only sort of analysis is more along the lines of how I analyzed myself after my first posting of the love movement.  The idea that I need to start by looking at the Man in the Mirror before I pointed my finger at what the world was doing.  I think that the people who accuse people of bullying them are not taking the time to look at themselves first.  They want to be able to do whatever they want, make the choices they want and expect to not have to deal with the repercussions.  "Hey I am going to do whatever I want, and you are not allowed to have an opinion, my thoughts and opinions are the only ones that matter"  This is the type of selfish self centered thinking that has stopped us from being able to love one another.  We so often want to point the finger at the world, and rarely want to notice the 4 fingers pointing back at ourselves.  "It's not me, it's you".  I think that is the real problem most of the time it really is me, I just don't want to take the blame.

Please, after reading this, understand I do know that bullies and bullying exist. I am very much anti-bullying.  There are many instances of people, (both children and adults) who are unfairly and unjustly tortured by their peers for no reason, and I am not speaking about or to them.  I am simply talking about the over use of the label that seems to exist in our world.  IE: Amanda calling Spencer a bully for telling her to shut up while she was spewing her typical venom earlier this season on Big Brother 15.  Spencer was not bullying her, he was quite accurate, she needed to shut up!
 Anyways y'all

Peace, I'm outta here
One Love
   

Welcome Back?!?!?

I think I have been on hiatus from the world of blogging for much to long.  I think it helps.  Well, helps me at least.  I have been through a lot in the last little while changed, and maybe changed back a bit. But I have a pretty good record of what I was thinking and going through here that help me get back to that place.  Its funny because the whole world can actually see this (they don't, but they can), yet I am cool sharing some pretty intimate and personal stuff on here.  I am only comfortable with that, because of what it can mean to me. It is cathartic, it is a release, and it is a running record of my thoughts and feelings for a moment in time.  So, I am going to be putting more effort in trying to remember to blog and even more of an effort to re-read my blogs!
Catharsis would be good right now, I am feeling a little lost and a little confused.  There is a girl I have met, and she is awesome. I really like her and I want to be with her but she has a knack for pushing me away when we get close.  She readily admits it is her own issues and her own problems that keep her pushing me away.  She has things going on her head she isn't ready to share or open up to me, that end up making me feel insecure and then we push each other away.  This cycle is a hard one it take a real toll on me and I don't know what to do about it.  Sometimes I feel I should just let it end and walk away without looking back other times I feel like I should hold on because she has issues she needs to work through and things will be different on the other side of the issues. But can I count on the fact that this won't just keep going up and down?  It is a struggle and I don't know what to do or who to turn to for answers!


Peace, I'm Outta Here
One Love