Geez... I dont even listen to myself

I guess I don't even take instruction from myself, in my last post (which surprised me was written this year) I said I would spend more time blogging for catharsis and to keep a track of my thoughts and feelings.  Well considering that was February and this is now the tail end of September I did a horrible job of doing that! However, funny enough reading my old blogs and starting this one puts me back in the exact same frame of mind I was in when I wrote the post in February.  I enjoyed reading thoughts and feelings from the past and seeing how those same thoughts and feelings have evolved and changed.  Once again I have seen how I have changed and even changed back a little, am a little more able to see what changes have stuck and which ones haven't. It is a good way to hold myself accountable to the things I want to change.  Hopefully I am able to keep this up, hopefully I am able to at least make this a weekly thing!

Currently I am trying to balance a conflicting set of thoughts that I am having a hard time bringing together.  I very much feel that the world, us, me need to start attempting to change the way this world operates and engage in loving and caring about one another more, however, I am struggling with what seems to me the overuse of the term "bullying".  It seems at this particular point in our history (written and still to be) as a society we have become hyper sensitive and hyper insecure.  Any type of criticism or critique is called bullying and the offender should be ostracized from society as a bully.  I don't agree with this. I am sorry critics are needed, they are the ones that keep us from doing stupid things.  Just because someone disagrees with what you think or what you are doing, that does not make them a bully.  Sometimes what you are doing is stupid, and that needs to be pointed out, to keep others from making the same stupid mistakes. Granted you have the right to make a stupid decision, but after making that stupid decision you must also deal with the consequences that come with it. I do not think it is fair that one should be sheltered from the fall out of a dumb decision.  The results of a poor decision are not bullying! They are simply the consequence of the dumb choice you made.  I do agree, however, ridiculing a person for the dumb decision can cross the line at a point, but honestly which one of us hasn't made a choice that deserved a little bit of ridicule from those around us?
Now, the question becomes how do I balance this thought with my desire to love the world and find means to embrace each other in more of a loving way?  I don't think I really know, because I feel strongly about both thoughts and if I feel so strongly about both how do I pick one? Are these two thoughts and feelings opposing of each other? I am not sure! I really don't know. On some levels they really do seem like very conflicting and opposing ways of thinking, on the other hand I tend not to be a conflicted person or a fence sitter.
My only sort of analysis is more along the lines of how I analyzed myself after my first posting of the love movement.  The idea that I need to start by looking at the Man in the Mirror before I pointed my finger at what the world was doing.  I think that the people who accuse people of bullying them are not taking the time to look at themselves first.  They want to be able to do whatever they want, make the choices they want and expect to not have to deal with the repercussions.  "Hey I am going to do whatever I want, and you are not allowed to have an opinion, my thoughts and opinions are the only ones that matter"  This is the type of selfish self centered thinking that has stopped us from being able to love one another.  We so often want to point the finger at the world, and rarely want to notice the 4 fingers pointing back at ourselves.  "It's not me, it's you".  I think that is the real problem most of the time it really is me, I just don't want to take the blame.

Please, after reading this, understand I do know that bullies and bullying exist. I am very much anti-bullying.  There are many instances of people, (both children and adults) who are unfairly and unjustly tortured by their peers for no reason, and I am not speaking about or to them.  I am simply talking about the over use of the label that seems to exist in our world.  IE: Amanda calling Spencer a bully for telling her to shut up while she was spewing her typical venom earlier this season on Big Brother 15.  Spencer was not bullying her, he was quite accurate, she needed to shut up!
 Anyways y'all

Peace, I'm outta here
One Love
   

Welcome Back?!?!?

I think I have been on hiatus from the world of blogging for much to long.  I think it helps.  Well, helps me at least.  I have been through a lot in the last little while changed, and maybe changed back a bit. But I have a pretty good record of what I was thinking and going through here that help me get back to that place.  Its funny because the whole world can actually see this (they don't, but they can), yet I am cool sharing some pretty intimate and personal stuff on here.  I am only comfortable with that, because of what it can mean to me. It is cathartic, it is a release, and it is a running record of my thoughts and feelings for a moment in time.  So, I am going to be putting more effort in trying to remember to blog and even more of an effort to re-read my blogs!
Catharsis would be good right now, I am feeling a little lost and a little confused.  There is a girl I have met, and she is awesome. I really like her and I want to be with her but she has a knack for pushing me away when we get close.  She readily admits it is her own issues and her own problems that keep her pushing me away.  She has things going on her head she isn't ready to share or open up to me, that end up making me feel insecure and then we push each other away.  This cycle is a hard one it take a real toll on me and I don't know what to do about it.  Sometimes I feel I should just let it end and walk away without looking back other times I feel like I should hold on because she has issues she needs to work through and things will be different on the other side of the issues. But can I count on the fact that this won't just keep going up and down?  It is a struggle and I don't know what to do or who to turn to for answers!


Peace, I'm Outta Here
One Love

Sharing IS caring?

I have started this journey of self discovery and self actualization and I have made a scary realisation. Sharing is the first step of loving. Those of you that know me know I have said for a long time sharing is for suckers, that I hate to share! Well how can you show love without sharing, sharing is a very loving and intimate thing between people. I have never had a problem with sacrifice, or giving up what is mine for someone else and have hidden the fact I hated to share behind my ability to sacrifice. Sacrificing is not a replacement or excuse for not sharing, because there are selfish undertones involved with sacrificing. Now I do not want to get into the debate about whether everything we do is really based in selfish desire, however, the act of sacfrificing something for someone else does make you feel good, it makes you look good to those around you and you feel like you have done something good.
With sharing you are just giving yours up to someone else, you are allowing them to have a portion of yours, depriving yourself of the whole amount. This shows that you are willing to put aside your selfish interests and let someone else take joy in something of yours. Usually, when we are put in a position to sacrifice something, the other person is in need and we have plenty. When it comes to sharing, we may not have plenty and the other person may not need what we have but would just like some. They want the ability to experience the joy or other feeling that you are getting from something.
This is an intimate thing to be a part of. I know that it seems silly to use a word like intimate when you are talking about sharing your chocolate covered almonds with a buddy, but it is intimate and it is loving. Those chocolate almonds give you a good feeling, you enjoy the taste. You want that person that you care about to have the same feeling and enjoy the moment as much as you do, that is why you share.
Can you imagine for all my life, I hated to share with my brother, my friend, my family hell even my wife. What was mine is mine! I will buy you your own fries but you can't have any of mine!
How can that possibly be a loving proper way to live! Sharing is a way to show love. Sharing is caring, and for the first time in my life I see that!

Peace, I'm Outta Here
One Love

The Love Movement II

I have spent the weekend considering this further, I guess before I start preaching to the world about "Love Toronto" I need to be the change, I want to see in the world like Gandhi said, the first finger need to be pointed at the "Man in the Mirror". What have I really done to perpetuate the Love Movement? I am sure at some point some of my friends are going to read this and I know none of them can honestly say they can approach me with any kind of criticism with out fear of some sort of retribution or rebuke. And these are my friends! The people I supposedly care for and respect. Forget a stranger. But hey I am perfect, and flawless right? Jeez! Sometimes, a man will wake up and take stock of his life and finally realize the mistakes he has been making for a long time. How have I loved? How have I shown love? I am the first to step on my soapbox and preach about the lack of love, the lack of respect, the selfish nature that we as a people seem to portray. Yet, I am the most selfish of them all. I look in the mirror and see the end all and be all, I see the centre of the universe. How could there possibly be an opinion outside of my own, leave alone the possibility that my opinion could be wrong!
That is a wake up call, that is a game changer!
I am trying to challenge myself, I am trying to be more humble. Realize and appreciate the blessing I have in my life. I don't retract the sentiment I made in the previous posting about a need for more love, but I am not pointing my finger at the rest of the world. Well maybe I am, there is a saying, when you point the finger at someone, there are four more pointing back at you. Those four fingers are suggesting that I need to change myself, once I live the "Love Toronto" movement I want to be a part of, I will not have to preach about it, or point fingers because I will be reaching out my hand. Thats the kind of man I want to be!


Peace, I'm Outta Here
One Love

Remembering ....

5 months ago today I married the love of my life ....Dreams can come true!

Peace, I'm Outta Here
One Love

The Love Movement

So, I have been sitting here and barely paying attention to all these "occupy" movements all over the place. Not really sure I understand what they want and am even less sure they know what they want. I know people are trying to liken this "movement" to that of the hippies in the 60s and 70s but I am not so sure I agree. Most of the people I have seen interviewed or who have something to say, don't really make much sense and don't seem to have a focus or a point. Granted, the big bad media is picking the worst of the bunch to highlight etc etc, but lets be honest, if this was the hippy movement it didn't matter which Tie-Dy wearing stoned kid you pulled outta the crowd he was preaching the "make love, not war" sentiment with all his heart.
Yes I understand there is this opinion that 1% of the population controls the worlds wealth, and the 99% are sick and tired of it. BUT what do you want to do about it? What do you want to change, and how do you want to go about doing it? One of the big problems for me is there seems to be no leadership, no one willing to pick up the torch and lead the people, organise the thoughts of the massive, and focus the groups will on a course of action. Until that happens, until someone can clearly step forward and represent the "Occupy" movement it will just come across as a bunch of lazy people who want to hang out in the park rather then go to work. I mean seriously, how am I supposed to take your claim that you can't find a job seriously when you are sitting in a park, playing your drums on a Wednesday morning. Or how do I really believe you are protesting capitalism, as you march with your Starbucks in one hand and you talk to your friends on your iPhone? How do I take you and your brother in protest seriously when it seems your protesting opposite things. He wants more jobs, birthed by capitalism and you are protesting against the evils of capitalism. See my problem?
That being said, I am in no way saying the world is not in need of a change, but I think the change has to come from a different place. I don't think we can change the systematic problems that exist in the world without attacking the problems that exist within us all. The problem I see is that we have stopped loving one another, taking us right back to the hippies again. They fought to make us realize how important love is and all these years later we have forgotten. We don't love one another, we don't even care for our neighbours let alone strangers. Instead of "Occupy Toronto" how about "Love Toronto" or "Love Wall St."
Lets as a society, find a way to care more for each other, to see the man across the street as a brother, the woman crossing the road as a sister and for them to see me in that same light. It does not have to be grand gestures, I don't want you to go out and hug every person you see and whisper sweet nothings in his/her ear. But when you are riding the bus, why not let that old man have the seat, or that pregnant lady or hell that person that just got on and looks like they have had a hard day. Maybe when you are driving you let the person merge into the lane without rushing to block them, I dunno little things like that. Just be nicer, just be friendlier, just be kinder. Try to shake the selfish shell we have wrapped ourselves in for so long, start seeing the people around us as extensions of ourselves.
Who knows, maybe if we "Love Toronto" we won't need to "Occupy Toronto" because harmony will exist throughout humanity. Sounds like a lofty goal, but as they say, a journey of miles begins with the first step.
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8)

Peace, I'm Outta Here
One Love

Back Again

So this is my first post via my iPad 2 and just in case you didn't know I love this thing. If you are on the fence about getting one my suggestion is GET ONE!!!!
Anyways, on to the topic of discussion for the day the leaders debate that occurred earlier this evening. I must be honest I did miss most of it as we had some chores to take care of around the house. But what I did see was well sad! Gilles Duceppe once again shows he is the only one (maybe in the entire country) who really understands how the Canadian political system works. As a reminder, it is not like the American popularity contest, where you get to vote on which guy you think makes the best President and you get to vote for your House rep separately. In Canada, we have a system where the "leader" and his best sound bite don't matter. We are supposed to vote for the party (then by default the leader) who we feel best represents our individual status, opinions and morals, the party we feel that will push through policies and legislation that supports and/or represents those morals and values. To often we forget the importance of policies and legislation and focus in on the character or personality traits of individuals, not taking the time to hear the message. For example during tonight's debate, Harper made it clear that he doesn't care about the rules of Parliament because they are just "political games" and he also writes of debate with the opposition as "bickering"! I don't know about you but I am pretty sure that the rules of Parliament and debate are fundamental aspects of democracy.
It worries me how few people seem to care that Harper seems to see himself as bigger and more important then the democratic system we have put in place and has worked for us for years.
As Canadians we take for granted the ability to vote, the ability to have a say in the governments that run our country. We take for granted our voice! We take it so much for granted we continue to be uninformed, fail to do research and actually don't care about the politics, the parties and what they represent, the reasons behind the election or the issues, policies and legislation. We take most of our (mis)information from ads, soundbites, or rumors!
How sad is it that I had a conversation with a 43 year old friend of mine and another friend new to the country and he was telling our new friend that this election was dumb, that all these guys are the same so you might as well vote for Stephen Harper. I interjected and asked doesn't being in contempt of parliament worry you? His response, no all that means is the other 3 guys formed a coalition and voted against Harper. I reiterated that I was talking about being found in contempt of Parliament, and not a non-confidence vote to which he replied "Yea, same thing, it does matter either way". I have to tell you this scared me! How many people are misinformed, or not aware of what is happening around them?
At some point we have to see the value in the ability to vote. We have to see the power our voice carries. The part that scares me most is that we won't realize how important voting and our democratic system is until we lose it! And as alarmist as this sounds, Stephen Harper is just the guy to do it, to take away our voice and dismantle the democratic system that has brought us to this point.
Come on Canadians, come on my friends get informed, get active!
Well that is it for me tonight!

Peace, I'm Outta Here
One Love